Series 1
Joe’s first experience of pornography was being shown it by his friend on his phone when aged ten. He remembers both the shock and excitement of watching what his family would have viewed as ‘taboo’. He quickly moved from watching standard mainstream pornography to brutal videos of violence and submission screwing his view of people, relationships, sex and life. This distortion encapsulated the duality of his experience of the horror and feeling revolted as well as being secretly fascinated by these acts and wanting to see more. The sad thing is, that little did he know (and how could he), that developmentally his brain and body was experiencing material long before he was ready to understand it and make any sense of it.
This was to have a catastrophic impact on his life leaving him confused, anxious, isolated, and without relationships as he had lost his erection. He became caught up in a self-perpetuating cycle of performance anxiety and porn-induced erectile dysfunction (PIED). He came to dread being invited to have sex which felt like a humiliation ritual. He became ever more reliant and caught up in a vicious cycle of pornography as his ‘only relationship’ in it being safe and fun – no one was ‘watching me’ and I didn’t l have to see the ‘hurt of rejection in my partner’s eyes’. Masturbating alone was seemingly his only option, and pornography went from Joe’s refuge to facilitating reclusion to making him feel repulsed with himself.
Pornography is currently the subject of new legislation as politicians grapple with trying to troubleshoot these sites deemed to be having the most insidious impacts on young people and young adults. The New Online Safety Act (July 2025) states that all sites and apps operating in the UK that allow pornography must verify viewers as aged 18 plus, following research that 8% of children aged 8 to 14 years had visited a digital service in a month (1).
Regulating pornography has proved to be very challenging, Politicians have made recommendations that depictions of non-fatal strangulation (NFS) should be outlawed (2). In effect, what was barred in person was now disallowed on screens. Whilst NFS was criminalised by the Domestic Abuse Act of 2021, ‘sexual choking’ was being ‘normalised’ by pornography to the extent that 38% of women aged 18-39 reported being strangled in bed (3).
AI tools being used as image generators to create fake depictions of people mostly female and almost exclusively non-consensually may be next in line to be considered. Young people’s views of deepfakes of themselves were found to be a greater violation then sending their nude photos because of the total lack of control they had over fabricated images (4).
Whilst Ofcom research found that approximately 13.8 million UK adults in May 2024; that is 29% viewed pornography in May 2024. Many people would have assessed their personal relationship with pornography to be primarily healthy and not a concern (5). However, for Joe (and people like him) they viewed themselves as having a problematic pornography use (PPU). It is hard to obtain precise figures, but studies estimate PPU affects up to 38% of men and up to 23% of women (6).
Over the past number of years, I have had an increase in the number of referrals specifically around PPU, causing PIED and inability to form and sustain relationships. Joe and people like him; are often sad and lonely realising they need to begin a therapeutic journey if they are to recover and be able to connect with themselves again and so make lasting enjoyable relationships with others.
References
- Ofcom. Children’s Passive Online Measurement report 26 June 2025. Ofcom.org.uk/media-use-and-attitudes/media-habits-children/childrens-passive-online-measurement
- Ministry of Justice. Strangulation in pornography is to be made illegal 19 June 2025. www.gov.uk/government/news/strangulation-in-pornography-to-be-made-illegal
- Savanta ComRes. BBC 5 Live Women’s Poll 21 November 2019. Compesglobal.com/wp-content/uploads/2019/11/Final-BBC-5-Live-Tables_211119cdh.pdf
- Internet Matters. The new face of digital abuse children’s experience of nude deepfakes. October 2024. iternetmatters.org/hub/research/children-experience-nude-deepfakes-research
- Ofcom. Online Nation 2024 Report 28 November 2024. Ofcom.org.uk/siteassets/resources/documents/research-and-data/online-research/online-nation-/2024/online-nation-2024-report.pdf?v=386238
- Bothe B, et al, International Sex Survey Consortium, Kraus SW Problematic pornography use across countries, genders and sexual orientations: insights form the International Sex Survey and comparison of different assessment tools. Addiction 2024:119(5): add 16431(accessed 27 February 2024).
Please see ‘How can Problems with Problematic Pornography Use Present’? Series 2.
