Karen Lawrence

BACP Accredited Counsellor & Supervisor

Member of ATSAC

ACTO Professional Register

Sex Addiction: Pornography Addiction: Problematic Pornography Use (PPU): Compulsive Sexual Behaviours Counselling

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What is Sex Addiction and Pornography Addiction

Sex and porn addiction are also known as Compulsive Sexual Behaviour Disorder (CSBD). CSBD is a pattern of 'out of control' sexual thoughts or behaviours that are pursued in spite of devastating and harmful consequences that negatively impact on daily life, relationships, mental health, finances and work. Other descriptions of sex and porn addictions that people use are compulsive sexuality, acting out sexual behaviours, problematic sexual behaviours, compulsive porn use, problematic pornography use (PPU), excessive porn watching and internet porn addiction.

The terms sex and porn addiction are often a subject for debate. Some say pornography and sex are not addictive, some say they are. When people present with sex and pornography use that feels "out of control", and that involves harmful dependencies, they often ask a very understandable question. "Is this an addiction, compulsion, or, something else entirely"?

In making an assessment about CSBD, I use the four components of The World Health Organisation (WHO), International Classification of Diseases, 11th Revision (ICD-11) which are:-

  1. Being pre-occupied and out of control with persistent repetitive sexual behaviour
  2. Continuing the sexual behaviour in spite of harmful consequences
  3. Numerous attempts to stop the sexual behaviour despite adverse consequences or deriving little or no sexual pleasure from it
  4. The pattern of behaviour to control sexual impulses or urges is manifested over a period of time - 6 months or more.

Distress that is entirely related to moral judgements and disapproval about sexual impulses or urges or behaviours is not sufficient to meet this requirement.

Whilst this definition seems to suggest that it is an impulse control disorder rather than an addiction, I offer services for people struggling with sex addiction, problematic pornography use and compulsive sexual behaviours. I do agree that these behaviours can be on a spectrum and I follow the training and guidance The Association for The Treatment of Sex Addiction and Compulsivity (ATSAC www.atsac.co.uk). I offer a flexible integrated approach and avoid pathologizing people presenting with CSBD and diverse sexualities.

Ultimately, my goal is not to label people: you may describe or find your own words for who you are. My aim is to understand your experience so that you can regain control and peace of mind.

What are Sexual and Pornography Behaviours?

Examples of sexual and pornography behaviours are compulsive masturbation, compulsive pornography, internet chat rooms, webcams, social networking sites for sex, sex-texting, phone sex, engaging prostitutes or escorts, multiple affairs and sex with strangers.

Common Signs and Symptoms of Sex Addiction, Pornography Compulsion and Compulsive Sexual Behaviours

Loss of Control

Inability to stop or engage with the sexual activities

Failed attempts to quit or cut down

Escalation

Consuming more extreme or explicit content

Spending increasing amounts of time engaging with the sexual behaviour

Paraphilias

Negative Impact on Life

Relationship conflict or breakdown

Decreased productivity or miss responsibilities

Financial or illegal issues

Emotional Distress

Guilt, shame, anxiety and depression

Porn induced erectile dysfunction (PIED) and unable to conceive a child

Loneliness and isolation

Loss of a Job and Income

What Causes Sex and Porn Addiction

Neurochemical Reward Loops

Compulsive sexual behaviours and porn triggers intense dopamine spikes, reenforcing repetitive behaviour and potentially creating

a compulsive cycle. This is partly because of a mood-alternating experience where a powerful cocktail of chemicals are released in

the body. These chemicals from within the body can 'hijack' the mind bringing about a sense of euphoria similar to 'the hit' of other

addictive chemicals taken from outside the body such as alcohol or (illegal drugs).

Childhood Trauma and Attachment Issues

Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE's); emotional neglect, domestic abuse, sexual abuse, abandonment, parental illnesses , bullying.

This can contribute to difficulties with emotional regulation and intimacy in forming and maintaining relationships.

Unmanaged Stress or Mental Health Conditions

Depression, anxiety, Neurodiversity-Autism, ADHD may increase vulnerability to addictive and or compulsive behaviours.

The Function of Sex Addiction and CSBD

Emotional dysregulation - anaesthetises painful feelings that cannot otherwise be copied with.

Boredom, depression, sadness, loneliness, stress and anxiety, feeling powerless or helpless, empty or dead inside.

How Sex and Porn Addiction and CSBD Affects Mental and Physical Health

Mental Health Impact

Anxiety and Depression

Low Self-Esteem

Emotional numbness

Difficulty maintaining healthy intimacy

Relationship Impact

Loss of trust between partners

Relationship and family breakdown

Loss of intimate sexual relationship and reduced sexual satisfaction

Emotional disconnect

Physical Impact

Sexual dysfunction - porn induced erectile dysfunction ED and PIED

Sleep deprivation

Fatigue and concentration problems

Effective Treatments and Recovery Strategies

Seeking Professional Help

If your porn or sexual behaviours feel out of control, cause distress, or interferes with your life, a specialist therapist trained in this

particular field can provide an assessment and treatment. I offer a 4 week assessment including a history taking and written

formulation to determine whether there is an addiction or compulsion and WHY and in knowing the WHY a treatment plan and

recovery. Early intervention improves the outcome significantly.

Support Groups - A 12 Step Programme

Sex Addicts Anonymous (SAA) in-person and online

Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous (SLAA)

Whilst groups are not for everyone, peer support can reduce shame and offers practical recovery tools,

Couples Therapy

Couples therapy generally happens after treatment and recovery (often for both parties as the partner has few places and people

they can go to for support. Please see my website for Couples Therapy for Sex and Porn Addiction

Conclusion

Sex and Porn Addiction and CSBD is a real and terrible condition (no matter what description people use). With the right specialist

therapist and support groups (if wanted), a genuine commitment to engage in therapy and be motived to change, recovery is

absolutely possible.

If you are unsure whether you have a sex addiction you can click on Am I a Sex Addict? and answer the questions.

Sex Addiction & Pornography Addiction Counselling Testimonials

For years, I felt trapped in a cycle of sexually compulsive behaviour that I couldn't break free from. With the help and support I've received from Karen I have been given the tools and understanding needed to deal with these behaviours. I can confidently say that I feel much more in control of my life and overall, much happier within myself! I know I never could've done this without your help - thank you!

I called Karen when I was at my lowest. I'd been living with a secret most of my life and at the age of 36 my life was unraveling. I reached out to Karen and after a short wait we arranged to meet. I can honestly say that I am a different person. I've never felt so at one with my mind and emotions, thanks to Karen I feel in control"


After more than 10 years of failing to deal with my cycle of addiction, I sought the help of a professional (Karen) Throughout my life I was always reluctant to speak to anyone about my problems let alone a stranger. However Karen from day 1 did not judge me, through her genuine interest and concern allowed me to explore and deal with issues of the past that were fueling my addiction. Most of all Karen allowed me to more fully understand that my addiction did not make me a 'bad' person. Even though I can still struggle, Karen taught me ways to identify and prevent triggers, to stay free from my addiction.

I started counselling from a low point in my life though luckily my relationship with my partner was still ongoing. I didn't really know what to expect from counselling but I knew I needed to do something to stop my acting out. The initial counselling sessions gave me hope that it was possible to work through the sexual addictionand move my life onto a different path. Some practical solutions helped deal with day to day life.


As the sessions progressed, the counselling moved onto more in depth self-reflection of my past, particularly childhood. At times, it was difficult to see how this had any relevance to my acting out but as the sessions progressed it became clear that issues from childhood were the underlying reasons for acting out. One year on and with the knowledge that these core feelings were leading me to act out and how to deal with these feelings differently (and the practical tools also learnt), I believe I am well placed to move forward with a healthy life (with a much stronger relationship with my partner).

I found Karen via the Internet and chose her because of her qualifications in the field of my addiction. From the beginning I was treated with respect and kindness as she was able through careful questioning to uncover my issues.


She was able to start at the beginning of my addiction and show me how it has affected my whole life. Her detailed psychological questions are made softly that you hardly notice. I was able to go through a sixteen week course that has changed my life. It has resulted in conquering my sex addiction and rebuilding my marriage. I will return to another therapy session in about 3-4 months. I hope and pray that I never have those thoughts again and remain free from my addiction. I am willing to share my experience with others with the confidence the therapy from Karen had given me.

I tried other counsellors to overcome my sex addiction only to find I relapsed. On the verge of giving up that I would ever recover and the possibility of the collapse of my relationship and loss of my children, I discovered Karen and decided to give counselling one last try. I am really glad I did.

Recovering from sex addiction wasn't easy and I had some slips and lapses along the way. Karen was always encouraging me to 'get back on track'. Even when I lapsed she helped me understand why and gave me practical tools to cope. She was forever patient and at those times I always left counselling feeling not as wretched as when I came in. Now in 'being clean' for over a year I see life very differently. It's hard work in staying clean but it's worth it as I have a far better relationship with myself and with people who are close to me.

I had been a sex addict for over 15 years and one of the things that stopped me from seeking counselling from my sex addiction was my guilt and shame. Right from the beginning Karen set me at ease that she wasn't going to judge me, or, find fault. In counselling, Karen was able to explain things which eased my guilt and shame. Together we worked through my 'sex addiction cycle' and 'why' I was acting out. With that knowledge and insight and because Karen didn't judge me, I was gradually able to forgive myself. I not only can live with me now but can say I actually like myself. I would never have thought I could value myself as a man again.

A few years ago I was going through a dark period in my life and with the help of Karen talking things through really helped me get through it. Karen was a great listener and helped me verbalise what my problems were, something that I really struggled with. She wasn't afraid to challenge me telling me what she thought. I needed this as my addiction was making my life out of control and I needed to focus and not avoid things. I can't recommend Karen highly enough.

I tried other counsellors to overcome my sex addiction only to find I relapsed. On the verge of giving up that I would ever recover and the possibility of the collapse of my relationship and loss of my children, I discovered Karen and decided to give counselling one last try. I am really glad I did. Karen's assessment soon got to grips with the 'why' of my sex addiction which was missing from my other counselling. In getting to the root cause this helped me to understand myself better and make sense of why I did what I did. Having not acted out now for over 2 years I and my wife are much more confident about the stability of my recovery. I still every day have to keep my addiction in mind but this and my understanding of 'why' means that I can do everything I can to stay stopped.